Missionary "Girlfriend"

I look back at the 2 years my husband was on his mission and feel the need to evaluate the good, bad, horribly ugly mistakes and accomplishments I made. This post is dedicated to all the lovely ladies still "actively waiting" for their "boyfriend" to return home from a 2 year mission.

WARNING: you, yes you...might not like this.
WARNING: I speak from personal experiences.
WARNING: I have learned from my mistakes.
WARNING: You need take this seriously. I am 100% serious.
WARNING: Brandeis once told me to write a book on this subject since I am really passionate about it.

I feel I am very blunt and real. Some Most days I hold my tongue and let people live in this fairytale.

Now, I have wanted to write a blog post about this subject since the day I started to blog...so no, you personally did not make me write this...so do not take it personally, but instead learn from it.

I was at one point in my life what you would consider a "Missionary Girlfriend" which is a horrible, gross, barf worthy term. I would never have called myself that and I never ever ever called myself Brandeis' "Girlfriend." Ever. In fact I technically never had that "title" until he came home from his mission since I strongly am against dating seriously before a mission....Now, I knew I loved him...I actually realized that a few days before he left on his mission. I knew the day he gave his farewell talk that he was the most amazing person I have ever met and that he would make someone so happy one day and I wanted to be that girl. BUT I had priorities.....

I have learned so much about what it takes to "wait" for a boy. Not only did I "wait" but my oldest sister in law did also. I think her experience with my brother on his mission taught me the most.

Background on Kelsea and my brother Brandon: They dated in high school until he went on his mission. If I know the story correctly I am sure they dated 2 ish years before his mission, so not just a few months...thats the part that matters...they loved each other. As an 11 year old watching my brother leave on his mission and seeing Kelsea heartbroken I remember thinking.."i don't want that." I am the craziest non-emotional person ever. I hate being sad and I hate missing people. So, I knew I would never want to be so wrapped around a boy when he left on a mission.

While my brother was gone Kelsea never came over. I remember being really sad, but if you know my mom you know that she had a "No Kelsea" policy. I was so sad. I have loved her since I met her when I was 9. That 2 years went by fast. Now that I am older I have heard stories of the dates and "boyfriends" Kelsea had and all the experiences and growing up that occurred while my brother was gone! After 2 years my brother came home and they were soon sealed in the temple and are still together after 11 years (I hope I did my math right.) So crazy. Life.

Now my story: Brandeis was not expecting me to write him. He told me that when he got my first letter he was so shocked. So, when I tell you I was standoffish towards him and never got too close...I mean it! We never "made out" while we liked each other for those 6 months. I was completely devoted to him going on a mission and me not being sad once he left. The day he said "goodbye" to me I gave him a side hug...A SIDE HUG. SO PATHETIC. I think Heavenly Father was holding my hand through the whole process. Knowing you love someone and not crying when they leave for 2 years was hard. I just thought to myself, "Be strong for him." Saying goodbye to family, friends and someone you love is not easy so I knew I had to keep in my feelings and be strong. My first step for myself to cope with him being gone and not getting depressed was to date. I went on a date before he went to the MTC. That is within 2 days of him leaving. haha...  I went on dates frequently. I even had 2 boyfriends that lasted 2-6 months. Those boyfriends were key to progressing like I did while he was gone.

Each boyfriend helps you grow. I am not saying go get in a serious relationship, but even dating someone more steady for a while wont hurt. I learned so much about what I wanted and didn't want from my future husband by the boys I dated. After each break up I would think, "Brandeis is so amazing, I cannot wait for him to come home." Truth. Dating other solidified my love for Brandeis. When Brandeis had a little less than 6 months till he came home I was talking with my bishop and he told me something that seemed so crazy and rude at the time, but I am so grateful now to have heard. "There is a chance he will come home and not feel like you are good enough." Wow. Slap to the face. Here I was reading my scriptures daily, attending the temple and basically being as perfect as you can get in this world and I was told I wasn't going to be good enough. Best advice ever. I knew I needed to be on his level. When missionaries come home they are 100% different. The same things are not funny anymore...they no longer want to run and get slurpees AND hot chocolate at midnight.. It is devastating. I had 2 brother's return home from missions and they were completely different. Its a fact, so do not think yours will be different.

If you do not progress and change for the better they will leave you behind! There is a reason only 2% of Missionary "Girlfriend"s become Missionary "Wives"....

I know maybe 10 girls right now actively waiting for a missionary and all I can say is, "Im sorry." I just feel you are completely wasting your life when you could be having amazing experiences and learning so much! Now, if you are one of these girls do not get upset at me for all of this because honestly, you are not even sure if I am wrong or right! I think of all the great things I did with those 2 years and the boys I was able to meet and learn from. These 2 years are for you to date and make sure you are making the right choice. Yes, your missionary is AMAZING and PERFECT, but maybe when he gets back you realize he isn't perfect for you anymore... Wouldn't you feel so upset at yourself that you pretty much threw away 2 years of prime dating/fun time crying at home over a boy that is 100% enjoying himself and not spending every free time thinking about you?!

Now, I did cry. I cried the first time after 3ish months of him being gone. I cried after each breakup I experienced or every time I met a boy that ended up treating me bad. I cried to have Brandeis around to talk to...but I got over it and pulled myself together real fast! I never cried around people. Crying over a missionary is for weak people! Be strong! If you are faithful and pray and read your scriptures you will not be sad they are gone! You will only find peace knowing they are going to come back a stronger more obedient and amazing man that could be your husband one day!

When Brandeis finally came home I was a mess....it is not an easy decision to finally date the 1 person you could marry. So, be prepared. I dated enough boys while he was gone that I knew for sure he was going to be perfect for me and what I needed... If I did not date and I just sat around with my Brandeis shrine in my closet, I know I would have not been as prepared as I was to get married. I mean, you will be with this person for ETERNITY! Enjoy the last 2 years you have as a single hottie! :)

I feel my long rants are all out on the table now. I would say all this to your face, and some of you I have, but I know when you are 'actively waiting" you are usually at an 8 or 9 on the "I am about to cry if you say his name or even the country my boyfriend is in" scale...so hopefully reading it seemed more gentle and loving.


Mistakes I made while waiting:
Emails. Do not do it. Can you not wait for a dang letter? I know it might take awhile to receive but they are only allotted a short amount of time for emailing and that time needs to be spent emailing their family. Receiving an email does not make your life better...it makes it worse since you just miss them more.

Family. Family is always #1. Some things I have learned since getting married is Brandeis spent more time trying to communicate with me than writing diligently to all his siblings. You need to remember (especially if they have large families) that their family is forever...you currently are not and might never will be. Imagine all those missionaries that never get married to the girl they spent all their time writing and trying to build a relationship with when they could be building that relationship with their family/the Lord....shame on you and on me!


List of things to remember.
1. Let yourself move on...even if it is just mentally and not in your heart. DO IT. Date. It's not a sin, I promise. No one will judge you if you date, we will actually applaud you.
2. Try to not elaborate on how much you miss them. I promise they never think "I miss her soooooo much" until they see you babbling through an email how sad you are without them. A quick, "I am proud of you." will do the trick. Or maybe a catchy saying. Brandeis and I had one. It was 2 words and meant everything to me when he would write it. More than him saying "i love you and can't wait to marry you and think about you every night when i see the moon knowing its the same where you are at."
3. Do not break rules. Even the grey area ones. Remember there is no grey..just black and white.
4. Send packages and letters. They love this. Make them generic and fun. and LOTS of candy. Brandeis loved when I just sent candy. (this part was something brandeis told me to tell you to do. haha)
4. ALWAYS BE UPLIFTING. I always ended my letters not with a "baby i miss you and love you." but with a scripture or my testimony then at the end i would tell him to be strong and to never regret a day he is out there since it will be over sooner than later.

I hope this helped someone....I do not mean to make you upset if you are...just trying to help and give you some insight from someone who has been there....don't forget...I have been you.

If you don't listen to anything I just said or just straight up think I am wrong then aoookay. I am fine with that...just as long as you continue to better yourself and have really good experiences in between the times you cry yourself to sleep.

Jerilyn...saving one girl from being depressed and wasting her amazing youth one blog post at a time.

Choices

Hi! Welcome back.

I feel the need to post....more? I think I post plenty. I don't really have much to say too often, but when I do it is preeettty serious. 

We make choices everyday. I think we make HUGE choices daily. Think about it. Should I wake up and get to work? Should I wax off my eyebrows? Is today the day I eat my bodyweight in Angelina's pizza? Yes. 

Every day counts! 

I have made so many choices lately. I recently began Esthetician school. Crazy right? I remember getting facials before my wedding and thinking, "I want to do this." That was almost 3 years ago! 

I had the hardest time deciding to start school. I sat there with my super impressive college transcripts knowing I had 1 semester until I could apply to dental hygiene school which was a childhood dream and knowing that I did not want to do that anymore. I think I have known for a few years that I did not want to that anymore, it was just hard feeling like I was letting myself down. It is hard having something you have wanted to do since 2nd grade and trying to talk yourself out of it.....Here is how the conversation went.

"Alright Jerilyn. This was NOT easy. In 3 years you could be a dental hygienist."
"But what if I don't get accepted the first go around?!?"
"Then you will have 4 years until you are finally done and have some sort of career for yourself."
"Maybe I should try something I will equally enjoy?!" 
"Like esthetician school? That is only 6 months!"

So what it came down to was time. As previous posts have declared, I am crazy about time. When I thought that I could finish school in 6 months or in 3 years the first thing I thought about was having children.

I know it seems I never want to have one, lets be honest most days I don't, but I want one. NOW. Like today. I don't want to wait 9 months. This doesn't mean we are trying currently to have a baby, but the possibility of us having one in the next year or so it very high. 

So, I began esthetic school earlier this month and I finish in December! I have so many different choices to make. I love the facial side of school, but if you know me at all you should know I love makeup. Like more than normal. My dream would be to do the makeup for the actual ads...like Mac. Who knows what I will do when I am out....I keep thinking maybe working at a doctor's office with people with skin conditions and helping them feel/look pretty again. That would rock. Or of course, I always have eyelash extensions to fall back on...

I just want something I can do 2 days a week and not be stressed when I get home.

IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?

Well, thats all. 

Make good life altering decisions today. 

-Jerilyn

Love & Marriage

The title reminds me of one of my favorite shows to watch as a child....Married With Children. I remember being upset when the show started airing at 9 pm instead of 8 pm and my mom would not let us stay up to watch it.....Lets just say I was never big on watching cartoons. 

I have had many conversations lately about marriage.

I have friends about to get engaged, some about to get married, and some getting divorced.

It is crazy how different each occurrence is. Currently, I am heading into my 3rd year of marriage. I think that is a huge step. Lets be honest with ourselves, that rarely happens these days. I know plenty of people who have gotten divorced already. 

I am trying to fathom what happens in our lives that make us in the end separated from the one person we thought we could not live without?

I am a firm believer that we could live a completely happy life with a plethora of different individuals, but in the end you need to be with someone that makes you want to be a better person and always stands by your side. 

There was one main reason I waited for my husband while he was on his mission for our church. I never wanted to see him hurt. Even to this day whenever he is sad or worried it makes me anxious. I use to have bad anxiety attacks when we first got married. I hated seeing him stress and it would make me a little crazy. I have finally controlled my anxiety, thankfully, but I still get worried whenever he has any conflict in his life.

I have never felt like this towards anyone in my life. I grew up pretty heartless. My mom would say,"You don't have a heart" or "One day you will cry"...

I think it is crazy living day to day with the same person and never expecting yourself to get bored. I think that is one of the reasons relationships are not lasting. Don't kid yourself! Marriage is not always super fun or exciting! Most days Brandeis comes home and lays down and then eventually we wake up and start all over. We don't always go on super rad dates and laugh all night at How I Met Your Mother. I mean, we do that often, but what about the 150 other days of the year where you are just going through the motions of life? Life is hard and tiring. 

A friend the other day said, "THIS IS NOT LIKE THE MOVIES!" and yes she had raised her voice. 

I think that is the main reason so many things are failing when it comes to relationships. Most people expect waaaaayyyy too much. We need to simmer down and realize that not every day is going to be perfect and eventually you will be upset with the person you said you will love and be with forever. Brandeis upsets me. I know right? He seems like a gem. Well, he is not and sometimes he makes mistakes. I love him completely and I plan on loving him forever and ever! 

I have been upset so much lately because I feel our generation does not know what it is like to work for something. We have all, at one point, been given way too much. We all have the latest gadgets and the nicest clothes. (thanks parents) BUT this has made us picture the real world as something that it is not. It is not easy and nothing is just handed to us anymore. So many people spend the first year of their "no longer under parent control" life, married. (I am saying this since most people I know get married way too fast and have never really experienced life.) How hard do you think that is for them?? To finally be able to make your own choices, but also deal with all the hardships and challenges of life WHILE trying to build a relationship with someone you do not really completely know? 

Rough. 

I do not envy any of you. Yes, I was married right before I turned 22, but I also lived on my own for 3 years and paid my own bills (some months my mom did help me, but that made me learn so much). I do have a husband that, besides his mission, never lived on his own and always had help and guidance from his parents. This made our first few months of marriage very hard. I knew a lot about hardships since I was poor throughout college and had to figure out how to pay my bills with not enough money in my account. My husband never had to experience this. He would tell me we can't "spend any money this week" and then I almost run out of gas since I thought we had no money when really, we did, he just wanted to be cautious. Our understanding of when we are "poor" was completely different. 

I have grown up so much since the beginning of our marriage. I am grateful we have moved past all the beginning of marriage hardships and were able to stand by each other in everything. This world is only getting harder. It gives me peace knowing I have someone that will always be by me and able to help me through everything. 

I am grateful we have decided to wait to grow our family. I have learned to love Brandeis more since we have been married and I think having someone in our lives to take up my attention would have robbed me from so many good experiences with him. I know having a baby is a blessing and I am happy for all my friends that have had babies or are having them soon, but I am confident we have made the best choice by waiting! Before we have a baby we will have at-least 3 great years behind us that has allowed us to grow stronger together. 

I guess my main point is.....quit giving up on love and make sure you are fighting for that one person that is perfect for your needs! Do not settle. Do not rush it! In the end we all have someone that will make us completely happy and hold our hands through all the bad that is going to eventually happen.

Enjoy falling in love, you will eventually just be in love and will never have a first kiss, rush of holding hands for the first time, or any of those super exciting things again. So, enjoy it!

-Jerilyn

Cheer.

I love myself some cheer competitions.

Today I had to go to the Orleans Arena to sign in my team for our competition tomorrow.

I was looking at the stage while they messed with the lights and sounds.

I just love it. I love it all. 

I love when they work together and finally fully complete everything they have been working for. 

I hate the week of competition though.

I can never sleep. When I close my eyes I replay all the places we messed up that day. 

It is killing me slowly. I wake up before 4 am every morning and wonder if I should just wake up...

Only 2 more competitions after tomorrow and I will no longer be a coach. 

I might try to find a way to weasel myself into a team part time....any takers? 

Fine.

That's all. 

See Ya Never 2012.

2012 was a crazy year. 
Here are my Top 12 moments:

12. Going to Nationals In Texas for cheer. It was a crazy time. Straight from a movie.
11. Brandeis starting his job at RC Willey and being top sales after 2 months!
10. Turning the awful age of 24! Best birthday/presents/everything.
09. Baby Brighton. Love her. 
08. Cliff jumping with my bestest friends constantly.
07. Having everyone and their mom being pregnant. Kylie, Kelsea, Courtney, Kimberlie, Whitney etc..
06. Best Friend getting engaged. So happy for her. 
05. My new Fender guitar. It's a beauty. 
04. Becoming best friends with Lori. She is my new ultimate favorite person. & Meeting my girl Ashley, I love me some Ashley on a daily basis. 
03. NBA games. Heat/Jazz was amazing. Nuggets/Spurs was INCREDIBLE sitting 2nd row.(**so grateful for my favorite little brother Blake moving there and being such a goon.**)
02. Going to the Bahamas with my brothers and their wives. It was so much fun and beautiful!
01. Celebrating 2 years of marriage on August 14. 

I realized while making this list that I did WAY too many fun things this year.

PFFT. Who am I kidding, I always do fun things. 

Well. Lets just say this year has been the best year since 2010.

I am so sad to see it end but doesn't 2013 sound exciting? 

Maybe we will add to our little family.

pfft. 

Time

It's crazy how our life revolves around time. I feel like I constantly look at the clock and work out what time I will get here or what time I need to leave to be on time. I hate being late so I am constantly calculation the time it takes me to do everything. I hate it. I always put my location in our gps so I know what time I will get there. I'm not stupid, I know where I am going but I love knowing the exact time I will be arriving. Is anyone else like this? Before you go to bed do you always check how many hours I get to sleep. Or how long I can take a nap before I have to get up to be on time somewhere. One day, when I have children and I get to stay home I hope I can slow down my calculating. I am not going to be a crazy mom that expects her kids to fall asleep at precisely the same time everyday. I do understand they need to sleep but ill give them a broad range where they can lay down and we will play the "quiet game" until they fall asleep.

I am just over being crazy about time and never wanting to be late. I turn into a crazy person if we are late anywhere.

Sooo that just took me 5 min to write and now I have 1 hour until the bell rings then I have 5 min to rush to the bathroom before my next 80 min class starts then I will have a 25 min lunch, then 1 more 80 min class then I have 1 hour to get the girls to gymnastics for cheer which takes me 25 min to get to.

Welcome to my life.

Friends.

I love meeting new people. Especially new married people. My friend Mason from high school got married a few months back and I just got my hair done by his wife and she is great. I am so proud of Mason and the catch he got :)

App Say What?!

This is the best day ever! I have been waiting for the day there was an app for blogger :)

I am currently working with my brother in law who works with websites and dating websites and all that jazz to get up a new website for myself. It might be legit. I mean, it will be!

Wish me luck :)

Last night I bought a new blender after someone (maybe my husband) broke mine. This thing is a gem. A GEM I TELL YA!! We made smoothies last night. Way too good.

I am so excited or the future and very good thing that keeps happening to me. I will be 24 in 3 weeks! So old, so mature, so hot.

Until next time.

Versatile Blogger Award

 

My home girl Gloria nominated me for this award. She is currently waiting for her boyfriend who left in July for a mission for our church.

 and it made me decide I need to blog more. 

 

The Rules

1. Nominate up to 15 fellow bloggers who are relatively new to blogging.

2. Let the nominated bloggers know that they have been nominated for this award.

3. Share 7 random facts about yourself.

4. Thank the blogger who has nominated you.

5. Add the Versatile Blogger Award picture to your post.

 

7 Random Facts:

1. I am allergic to all kinds of fruits. It makes my mouth all itchy.

2. When I was little I lied a lot about random things. For example: be allergic to regular milk but not chocolate milk. Seeing my oldest brother being born. And breaking my leg/

3. I always sleep on my stomach with one arm under Brandeis' belly.

4. I floss a lot.

5. I love potatoes and Angelina's cheese pizza more than my 1st born.

6. I love oldies and sunny 106.5. Brandeis dies when I start singing a song after hearing only a few seconds of it. 

7. I am a Princess and have always been treated like one. 

My Nominees:

Alexes Morgan

Sydney Hernandez

These 2 girls are the only blogs I read religiously besides Gloria's. Feel special.